Surgical Pun Lover Pillows

'Your husband was in the rough...I mean...it was rough going there for a while, but he played through, um, pulled through just fine and the operation left only one small divot...er...uh...scar that barely shows.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

Hospital Cleaning.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"All these years I put my nose to the grindstone. Now I need a nose job!"

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"The biopsy came back benign.....but I still want you to see a tree surgeon."

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."