Medical Pun Lover Pillows

'The bad news is that we've detected an irregular heartbeat. The good news is that the rhythm is irresistible!'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

'You can see the Doctor now. Don't ask him anything too medical.'

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'His biological clock needs rewinding.'

"Your good cholesterol is bad, your bad cholesterol is good and your socks don't match."

Catch of the Day: Salmonella.

'I'm prescribing a tonic - you're a little drawn.'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"...and that concludes your first lecture on anatomy."

'Regardless of what your wife thinks, there isn't a mean bone in your body, and I have the X-rays to prove it.'

"This one has the most friends."

"They're training a doctor for you."

"I notice you're reaching the traditional coronary age."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

"If you need anything, just call."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Broken Pen

"What do you mean I'm not your type?"

"Your bloodwork just came back. . . the GOOD news is that you've definitely got some!"

J. Blewney, MD Proctologist: "The end justifies the means!"

Chiropodist

"Don't worry, Mr. Johns, basically we'll be taking your organs out and repositioning them all, just a bit to the left."

"Oops, we just voided the warranty."

"Sure, I make house calls. Give me your number and I'll call your house."

'This is serious, Doctor! This patient is unraveling.'

'I'm taking you off the fish oil.'

'Is he a substance abuser? Of course not. He has no substance.'

'All the patients are ill doctor!'