Medical Puns Pillows

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you...He has cataracts.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

You can relax now.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'You've got dry scalp.'

Bad news for famed author, I. P. Freely, 'Yellow Waterfalls': 'It's your prostate, I.P., It's as big as a baseball.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'