Medical Pun Aficionado Pillows

"This time, I'll ask them to write 'Not a Piñata' on it in bigger letters."

'It always looks that way. I'm cartoonist.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

"Gross."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."