Medical Pun Aficionado Pillows

"This time, I'll ask them to write 'Not a Piñata' on it in bigger letters."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"Gross."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'Time for your pills.'

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."