Surgical Pun Enthusiast Pillows

Operating Room

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"All these years I put my nose to the grindstone. Now I need a nose job!"

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

'You're getting a stye.'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

"Those giblets are gonna have to come out."

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

"Sorry Mr. Parkinson, but I've left some rubber gloves inside you. I need to open you up to retrieve them."

"Mr Brown. Are you in for a triple bypass or an ingrown toenail?"

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"The biopsy came back benign.....but I still want you to see a tree surgeon."

Plastic Surgery

Bowtox.

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."