Medical Pun Collector Pillows

Innie Outie

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

It's a pretty serious chemical imbalance, Mr. Sims

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

Bell Hop

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

Obstetrics.

Elephant walking out of urologist office carrying 2 peanuts in jar.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

Spiv

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Doctor consulting a textbook.

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'