Medical Pun Collector Gifts

Innie Outie

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Lactose Intolerant

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

Bell Hop

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

Obstetrics.

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You tell me how to give them a fever, and I'll tell you how to make them cough.'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

Spiv

Doctor consulting a textbook.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'I ordered an IV, not an ivy.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'You're getting a stye.'

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."