Medical Pun Enthusiast Gifts

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Your infrastructure needs work.'

'Well, it looks like you've picked up a rhinovirus!'

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

Obstetrics.

Traffic Lights Medicine

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'You say he needs 'ventilatory support' - are we talking boxers or Y-fronts?'

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'

'Laughter is good medicine but it's not always the best medicine. For your sore throat I am going to prescribe an antibiotic.'

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'We don't have a cure for it, but we do have a catchy name for it.'

Everyone, even the hospital surgeons, would tell you that Gary had a generous heart.

'There's a good chance you're running a temperature. I'm sending you to a specialist...a feverologist.'

"You can pull up your pants - podiatrist actually means, 'foot doctor'."

"So after the accident, I had to have a plate inserted in my head. . ."

'Do I need to get the barnacles scraped off my hull?'

'I'm sorry but your cold seems to be non-union.'

'Your support will have to grow...'

"You're as sound as a dollar. I'll order more tests."

Springmont Cardiology!

"A BCN DBLE CHZBRGR w/ FRYS"

"The biopsy came back benign.....but I still want you to see a tree surgeon."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."