Healthcare Pun Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm softening my position on the spending binge the doctors have planned for my health care."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"I don't leave home without it!"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'Snap out of it.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'You need some stress.'

'If you want a second opinion, come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you the same thing.'