Healthcare Humor Fan Gifts

"You've suffered a contusion to the soft tissue below the fourth thoracic vertebra exacerbating the proximal sternum. Translation: 'you have a bruised rib.'"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

Walk-in Clinic and Climb up Clinic.

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'Fine, tell him he's going to make it. We'll just have to agree to disagree.'

'Attention - I'm having an endocrinologist in tomorrow to look at all of you.'

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

"How would you deal with patients angry at having to wait for appointments?"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'No you can't take a copy home to prepare for your eye exam next week'

'The $50 is for the injection, sir, and the $25 is for flinching.'

'Oh dear. Your immune system doesn't recognize your eyes.'

'Hello Mr Jones, I'm the Bone Specialist.'

"Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements."

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'You've got two options, bud. Mercy Hospital is 20 minutes closer, but the nurses at Saratoga Hospital are really hot.'

'Is there anything worse than waking and going to the bathroom?'

'It will save time if you just tell me that works and what doesn't.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'

'You should have come to see me sooner.'

Guess Your Wait.

General Hospital sign.

'I got a paper cut from one of my get-well cards!'

Doctors Retirement Home

"You've strained your back lifting mattresses so I'm going to prescribe bed rest."

Pig returns from hospital.

Bronchial Clinic

"How long 'til I'm bob-bob-bobbing-along again, Doc?"

"Don't say we've lost a patient, say we've gained a bed!"

Hi, my name's Pam and I'll be your paramedic for the evening.