Healthcare Humor Fan Pillows

"You've suffered a contusion to the soft tissue below the fourth thoracic vertebra exacerbating the proximal sternum. Translation: 'you have a bruised rib.'"

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Walk-in Clinic and Climb up Clinic.

'Fine, tell him he's going to make it. We'll just have to agree to disagree.'

'Attention - I'm having an endocrinologist in tomorrow to look at all of you.'

"How would you deal with patients angry at having to wait for appointments?"

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'No you can't take a copy home to prepare for your eye exam next week'

'The $50 is for the injection, sir, and the $25 is for flinching.'

'Hello Mr Jones, I'm the Bone Specialist.'

'Oh dear. Your immune system doesn't recognize your eyes.'

Guess Your Wait.

'You should have come to see me sooner.'

General Hospital sign.

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'I got a paper cut from one of my get-well cards!'

Doctors Retirement Home

"You've strained your back lifting mattresses so I'm going to prescribe bed rest."

Pig returns from hospital.

'It will save time if you just tell me that works and what doesn't.'

Bronchial Clinic

'Is there anything worse than waking and going to the bathroom?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements."

"So, we are all agreed, gentlemen. There shouldn't be that many of those, and that's a funny colour."

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"

Dr. Bill Jones At Your Cervix

'But you can't sue me for malpractice. I'm not a doctor!'

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"No, you can't just pay for the square inch where you were treated - Dr. Larkin charges by the foot."