Healthcare Humor Lover Pillows

GP pay award wheel.

'I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you now. You should've come in sooner, before you got sick.'

'The monitors all show that you're dead... but to be sure, we'll need to run some more tests.'

'Your infrastructure needs work.'

'You've got it. Don't flaunt it. You'll spread it.'

"God, I hate needles!"

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

Flying Doctor Scanner

'If a hacker steals all my information from my health records do they keep my health problems too?'

'There is no cure but the good news is we have some great support groups.'

Colonoscopy.

'The test results are in. We suggest you go home and discuss the treatment options with you accountant.'

Please take a number and prepare for and incredibly tedious wait.

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

'We managed to get to the Tennis Elbow before it spread to your balls!'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"I don't know what this medication does...but the commercials for it are really cool!"

45% of GPs Ignore Nice Hypertension Guide.

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.

NHS Confederation suggests that patients be allowed to register with A&E departments..."Can someone help me I've got a bit of a cough!"

'To say that we didn't vet this appraisal scheme properly is sheer poppycock...why I had my grandaughter look at it and she said it was very nice!'

"It's the only way we could get the vacination programme to pay..."

'Unmitigated Gall! What kind of diagnosis is that?'

'The bad news about your bacteria infection is that you are now part of the food chain.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"The bad news is that you have a disease unknown to medical science. The good news is I'm going to name it after me."

Patient can't find help at doctor office window because of awards.

Depressed Patient

'Judging from the chart, I'd say someone has a crush on their nurse...'

'You need some stress.'

'Frankly I'm looking for a doctor I won't outlive and have to change to another.'

"Look, you've made him hurt his fist..."

GP funding problems