Healthcare Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I think we can rule out migraine."

'The good news is, research fingings show high drug prices stimulate the immune system.'

'Have you got any hip-op?'

'He decided to celebrate meeting his QOF targets by doing a cartwheel...wrecked his knee and has to wait 26 weeks to see a consultant.'

'You have an extremely rare, hard-to-treat disease -- are you trying to make me look bad?'

I'm referring you to a specialist who knows how to deal with HMO's.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

Nurse about surgeon juggling organs: 'I think Dr. Haywood could really use a sabbatical.'

"I'm afraid there are no nurses available at the moment. . . but once we've put into place our new recruitment training and retention program there should be someone here to see you in about eight years!"

"Is the pain an animal, vegetable, or mineral?"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

'Now where shall I begin, doctor?'

'It looks like that growth on your foot has developed a mind of it's own!'

You trust me, don't you?

'Your support will have to grow...'

'Your medicine will be ready in about four weeks.'

'Your hospital bill is $8437.00, plus $350.00 for not wearing clean underwear when you were brought in.'

Lactose Intolerant Cow.

He said he loved her for her brain but was her appendix he was always taking out.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'