Medical Pun Lovers Gifts

"14, 15, 16, 17. . ."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'I think you'll get a kick out of our 'haunted' MRI, Mrs. Hanratty.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"Here comes the super-visor."