Medical Pun Lovers Pillows

"14, 15, 16, 17. . ."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'That's not what I meant by 'IV'.'

'My goodness, how many miricle drugs did they give you?'

"Well, you may not have the body of an athlete, but you certainly have the foot of one."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

'I've discovered you have feet of clay.'