Medical Puns Gifts

'I'm afraid the doctor can't see you...He has cataracts.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

World Cup Fever

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

You can relax now.

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

The doctor says if it doesn't come out soon, she'll have to induce.

'You've got dry scalp.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

Bad news for famed author, I. P. Freely, 'Yellow Waterfalls': 'It's your prostate, I.P., It's as big as a baseball.'