Tongue-in-cheek Medical Humor Gifts

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"Gross."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

World Cup Fever

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'