Collecting Medical Humor Gifts

'This is his third operation in two years. I'm putting in a zipper.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."