Medical Humor Collectors Gifts

You need an organ transplant.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

Lactose Intolerant

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

"I think it stopped breathing."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"