Medical Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.'

Thank you for suffering in silence.

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

Hospital Reception - Ring for assistance

'Take two of these and visit my website in the morning.'

'To reduce skyrocketing medical costs, we'll decrease the availability of care-givers!'

"When I said you could tell me anything, I didn't mean that you think I'm losing my hair!"

"First of all, where and what is a prostrate?"

"We located your chart...It was filed under 'P' for pain in the butt!"

Surgery souvenir

"You can never run too many bone marrow tests."

'Between you and me, I'd rather be me.'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

Dr. using a gps to perform a colonoscopy

Doctor with funny glasses to patient: 'We don't need a radiologist. My new x-ray glasses allow me to see right through you.'

Medical Group: Specializing In Treating The Insured.

"Okay, I guess we can turn down the tonometer air pressure just a tad."

'You're just fine. The prescription is for me!'

'Have you tried walking with a limp?'

'Okay, now in order to start your epidural, I'm gonna need you to curl up into a ball. My assistant, Mindy, who's a 90 lb. contortionist, will show you how easy it is ... '

'Tell the doctor to take his time -- I'm feeling better already.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"How would you rate your tolerance for pain on a scale of 0 to 10? It's for billing purposes."

"He says he noticed that this rash developed after sliding down chimneys."

"Okay, Mr. Nerdmyer, I'm just going to give you a little stress test!"

"You shoulda read the terms and conditions, it's the pig that gets the kidney."

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'The anesthesiologist called sick. It is my duty to inform you that you will feel a little bit of pain during the appendectomy.'

"...And I promise to make you a later appointment, next time."

Doctor and surgery boy

"And this is one of our more difficult patients..."

Philosophy Class for Proctology Students

'I couldn't afford college in case you were wondering why my diploma and certification are written in crayon.'

'How long have you had this burning sensation?'

'I'm here to check the condition your condition is in.'