Medical Humor Buffs Gifts

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Happy Birthday to you.

"I think it stopped breathing."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'