Medical Humor Buffs Pillows

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"I think it stopped breathing."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'