Medical Humor Lover Gifts

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

"Have you been suffering consternation?"

I'm having trouble breathing.

'M.R.S.A'

'In my opinion your blurred vision is caused by the axe in your head. But you may want a second opinion.'

'It's a no-brainer.'

"First, we need to stabilize his spine!"

'The bad news is, there is no cure for the common cold. The good news is, I think you have pneumonia.'

'Here's a copy of our new triage plan...the order is now walking wounded first, the dying and dead second, lawyers last...'

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'

'Did you cut your lip shaving or is the bandage across your mouth evidence you want to listen to me?'

'So the epithelial cells recovered by the fiberoptic branschoscopy suggests....'

"Rush this patient to the maternity ward! She's about to deliver a baby!"

'Hi, I'll be performing your surgery tomorrow.'

'I've got a patient who needs to chat to someone...Have you got anyone who's completed the 'verbal communication with patients in a personal, supportive but not disempowering' course?'

'Oh, man - how many times have I told you? Measure twice, cut once.'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

'So the good news is the operation was a total success. Bad news. . . we were out of hooks.'

'Open wide...say aargh!'

Blood Peer Pressure.

"I'd like a joint replacement"

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'The upside of this drug is you'll live longer. The downside is that you'll live in poverty.'

Curing Hemorrhoids Seminar

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Surgical Ward- Please Replace Divots

'It's nothing to lose any sleep over. You just have insomnia.

'McWit, I'd like to talk to you about your blood classification system.'

'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

'My turn! My turn!'

Machine Wipes Sweat From Surgeon's Brow.

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

Electro Convulsive Therapy, "Er...shouldn't you be treating me for shock"

'I had planned on becoming a general practitioner, but decided to specialize in making money instead.'