Medical Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

'This one didn't turn out either. You must've moved.'

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Hey, there's some clown here that says we got his order by mistake.'

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

'Some people find the MRI chamber claustrophobic.' - 'Oh.' - 'I call those people 'the lucky few'.' - 'Ah.' - 'Whatever you do don't think about being buried alive.' - 'Gah.' -

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.

Scottish Urology

"Hey Anesthesiologist! Let's pay attention!"

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'Mrs. Cranley! You need to sign this HIPAA privacy form before the doctor can look at those warts on your stomach!'

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'The restraints are for your own protection, Mr.Norris. We're concerned that if you rung the nurses station once more, they'll strangle you.'

Nurse Training

'Penicillin is called a 'wonder drug' because any time the doctor wonders what you've got, that's what you get.'

'Doctor, you amputated the wrong leg!'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

'No, it doesn't connect to an X-box!'

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

'You could go home tomorrow, but it will take the plumber three days to disconnect you.'

'I want a second opinion.'

"We'll widen the clogged artery by inserting a balloon."

'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'

If pharmacists spoke like doctors wrote.

"Too early to tell if the treatment works, but I'm feeling nauseously optimistic."

'I have no idea what that thing is either...'

'He never starts surgery until he can play the game three times in a row without messing up.'

'We'll only do 72% of it, since it's been reported that 28% of surgery is unnecessary.'

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

'The patient will see you now,Doctor!'

'I'm referring you to an 'ear, nose and throat' specialist.'