Medical Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."

'How's the spleen?' 'The spleen? Where is it?' 'I never studied the spleen.' 'I was left back in my spleen class.' 'I failed spleen.' 'I thought we didn't have to know the spleen.'

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

'This one didn't turn out either. You must've moved.'

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'Hey, there's some clown here that says we got his order by mistake.'

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.

'Some people find the MRI chamber claustrophobic.' - 'Oh.' - 'I call those people 'the lucky few'.' - 'Ah.' - 'Whatever you do don't think about being buried alive.' - 'Gah.' -

Scottish Urology

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'The restraints are for your own protection, Mr.Norris. We're concerned that if you rung the nurses station once more, they'll strangle you.'

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'Penicillin is called a 'wonder drug' because any time the doctor wonders what you've got, that's what you get.'

'Doctor, you amputated the wrong leg!'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

'No, it doesn't connect to an X-box!'

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

'You could go home tomorrow, but it will take the plumber three days to disconnect you.'

"We'll widen the clogged artery by inserting a balloon."

'I want a second opinion.'

'The readings look good, but just in case, when was the last time the system was checked for bugs?'

If pharmacists spoke like doctors wrote.

"Too early to tell if the treatment works, but I'm feeling nauseously optimistic."

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

'We'll only do 72% of it, since it's been reported that 28% of surgery is unnecessary.'

'The patient will see you now,Doctor!'

'I'm referring you to an 'ear, nose and throat' specialist.'

'Our endoscope is broken, but luckily, nurse has her mobile phone camera - it's quite small...'

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

'To avoid lawsuits, we now refer all patients to other doctors.'

'Remember the hierarchy of competence - see one, do one, teach one, become a regulator.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'