Medical Humor Admirers Gifts

Breaking Bad News; doctor to patient - 'OK; now does anyone know the Latin word for crab?'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"