Lovers Of Medical Humor Gifts

'Boy, am I getting hungry!'

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

'Okay, nanobots, our primary mission is to clean out this guy's arteries. But while we're here I can't see any harm in also building him a nice pair of man-breasts...'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'