Medical Humor Appreciators Gifts

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

Doctor - "Your test results proved positive, Mrs Perkins...Your fat!"

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Time for your pills.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Long shift?'