Medical Comedy Collector Gifts

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Lactose Intolerant

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

Medical Center.

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

'Just another couple of pages.'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?