Medical Comedy Collector Gifts

'What the... there's the gold earring I lost when we did his triple bypass four years ago.'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Lactose Intolerant

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"The medic said he died of an ST-segment-elevated myocardial infarction -- Jack was always a showoff."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

Medical Center.

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Just another couple of pages.'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Worse case of chicken pox I've ever seen!

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'