Hospital Comedy Collector Gifts

'Breast implants? There must be some mistake. I have you down for knee surgery not breast implants!'

'When I said this drug will wipe you out, I meant money-wise.'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Tin Can Operation.

"There were some squiggly bits left over after the operation, so we gave you a doggie bag."

"Look, look … someone wrote unoperable."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

Big slipper.

'Urology...can you hold?'

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'