Hospital Humor Collector Gifts

'That's why patients shouldn't be told certain things.'

'What do you want first? The good news or the bad news? Mind you the bad news means there can't possible be any good news!'

"Ah, the lovely widow!"

'Just checking that you're my 5:25.'

'You're lucky -- all I have is a PRACTICAL nurse.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'