Hospital Humor Lover Gifts

'Urology...can you hold?'

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Don't look at me! You're meant to be discharged!'

'I'm glad I put up a suggestion box for my patients, but now I'm a little concerned.'

'Well, you appear to be free of infection, but your colonoscopy video has gone viral.'

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

"Good heavens! Who hooked you up? This one is cable TV!"

'Obstetrics and gynaecology' arrow 'Down there'

"So, Mr. Smith, remember that little chat you had with the surgeon...?"

"Nurse Jensen is old school."

"We'd appreciate your signing this agreement to not disclose any gossip overheard from staff during your stay."

'I'm the nose,ear and throat man...'

'I'll have you out of bed and on your foot in no time.'

"I blame the nurses."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

Ways to handle difficult patients.

'There's a ban on dying from smoking-related illnesses in this hospital.'

'No, I'm not an angel of mercy. I'm your guardian angel. And apparently not a very good one.'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

'I accidentally removed his right hand, but to keep him balanced, I removed his left foot, free of charge.'

'The board voted 8-2 to wish you a speedy recovery.'

Surgeon going into operating theatre with glove puppets.

'She's still a little annoyed with you for breaking her skateboard!'

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

AMNESIA WARD, 'It's very simple, really -- you'll be ready to go home when you remember how to get there.'

'Relax, dear. That's not your cardiogram. That's the stock market.'

'We want you to take power over your work, and this is how we want you to do it.'

'What are YOU doing here?'

Hospital accident.

'You'll turn into a butterfly.'

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"Try and get some rest and in a week or two we'll put your brain back in."

Ward Cleaning.

Mr Pilfrey had been in longer than most...