Hospital Humor Admirer Gifts

Entering Maternity ward where the door sign says 'Push, Push, Push'.

So darling, how was today's driving lesson?

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

"WHich one is mine?"

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Downloading Pregnancy

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"