Hospital Humor Fan Gifts

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

"I want you to lie as still as possible while Lyle and I take our lunch break."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'The restraints are for your own protection, Mr.Norris. We're concerned that if you rung the nurses station once more, they'll strangle you.'

"He won the right to die without dignity."

'The survival of this patient is a true testimony to the blessing of modern science.'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Really? ..So when I said I'd found you a bed, you thought you'd have it all to yourself?!'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

'We thought the 'bed shortage' was bad, until the 'hospital trolley shortage' came along.'

Flip a coin for diagnosis.

'I say we just take out that squiggly green thing and see how he is tomorrow.'

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'Where does it hurt?'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

"Would you please refrain from texting while I'm operating!"

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'Heavy sedatines for Mr Baines. His cheerful disposition is giving me a headache.'

'It's a nasty little rash, nothing to worry about!'

"Doctor, I can't feel my feet."

'I wish I could help you, but there's too much paperwork involved.'

'Thanks for telling me you eat too much fat, but it's not that kind of admissions.'

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

"Drenching sweats, droopy carrot...hydration and a week chilling in the morgue and he'll be good as new."

A Man has just died of a Heart attack about to enter a Cardiology centre

'So you're saying, I'm done for, Doc.' 'I don't like that kind of talk... It's, 'I'm done for, DOCTOR.''

'Please turn off your cell phone. We can't afford to be startled.'

'I'm afraid we've removed your wooden leg by mistake.'

"I hope you're not here for the good of your health?"

"Want to hear your horoscope today? It's a hoot!"

'As an amnesiac, we'll slowly build memory. Now, pay me and then try to remember paying me.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

It looks as if he's got 60 Burns

"My cellphone needs charging. Do you mind if I unplug your life support?"

"I think we got it all."