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Surgical Ward- Please Replace Divots

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

"I got my PhD in Nursing just so people would have to call me Doctor."

'I know it's a bummer. We don't like it any more than you do. Now, back away from the desk.'

'Your health insurance company says you misspelled your name on the application.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"C'mon, walk it off!"

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

'Now don't go out if it's windy!'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

'But doctor, the customer is always right.'

A 'Good Luck' horseshoe hangs over the hospital operating room

Doctor tells sick patient: 'The good part, if you're looking to impress, is that it's not a disease, it's a syndrome.'

Intravenous vinegar

"You've got to move. The bed is needed for another TV drama."

Fertility Center.

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

'No, I'm not the famous heart surgeon, but I charge exactly what he charges...'

'You're lucky -- all I have is a PRACTICAL nurse.'

"Since laughter is the best medicine, I'm downloading the Laugh-Track App."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

L'Hopital

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"