Hospital Humor Lovers Gifts

"If I knew where I'd lost the sponge, it wouldn't be lost, now, would it?"

'Jaundice really ought to have wiped the smile off his face.'

HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS, 'For your hospital gown, do you prefer paper or plastic'

"It's a very senior moment—he's dead."

'It's so overcrowded it's stand and deliver today!'

'I don't like the way your eyes light up when that nurse comes in!'

'Should I tell your boss you won't be in today?'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

Dracula in a Vampire Hospital getting some extra blood from a Human blood drip

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'