Medical Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

'The short one is the surgeon -- the others are a team of highly skilled malpractice lawyers.'

"A bit nervous.. It is your first euthanasia I presume."

'I'm the nose,ear and throat man...'

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'Turn the camera off! Turn off the web cam!'

"It's for his shakes."

"The procedure begins with a local anesthetic to your wallet."

"That's the hospital policy. Cashiers must be familiar with emergency shock treatment."

"We need a doctuh!!!"

Our constant rescheduling of your stress test was the first part of the stress test.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

Happy Birthday to you.

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'