Medical Comedian Gifts

'He's our new Pallitative Specialist!'

'When all else fails, add $500 to their bill. Shock therapy can do wonders.'

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

'Spin GP'

"Your intestinal flora looks good."

"Other than the harpoon, I can't find a thing wrong with you."

'Try to think of it as drip therapy.'

Veteran nurse Rhonda Reynolds was able to give highly accurate blood pressure readings by simply squeezing a patient.

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

"These are very powerful sleeping pills. Take one an hour before our next appointment."

"Good Reflexesssssssssssss..."

"I checked in with a broken hip. The food poisoning came later."

"OK, see... I can do it! Now can I be your surgeon?"

'And now, this warning from the Surgeon-General... THINK FAST!'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

If I'm a hypochondriac, what does that make YOU?

"My 'check gallbladder ' light came on."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'