Medicine Humorist Gifts

"Your medicine's in the bag and the side effects are on the CD-ROM

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'Pills and medicine are okay, but really doctor, I don't do shots.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"He took an Alka-Seltzer and now he thinks he’s sparkling."

"Be just a minute, folks. We got a hole between the atria and both ventricles. . ."

Jugular Vein

"Despite what you read on social media, no, I'm not required by law to wear a jockstrap."

"I wanted an alternative to alternative medicine and I thought I'd try you."

"Let's start with an over the counter version. If that doesn't work, we'll try a prescription oinkment."

"Ahh... the royal physician who diagnosed the king with a 'common' cold."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'