Medical Humorists Gifts

'Quack'

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

'This is going to be a level three.'

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

"That thing wasn't covered in my online medical degree program."

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

'...and would you like to upgrade today's payment with your x-rays on a t-shirt, coffee mug, or photo package?'

'I'm totally spacing out on the name of the drug you need. Just tell the pharmacist your foot hurts.'

'I don't have to take guff from anyone. I'm the doctor! Go out there stand up to her...'

'Maybe we shouldn't have used the tail as the donor site for a skin graft.'

"I'm not going to lie. This looks pretty serious."

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

"This coconut represents your head."

Private Consultant: Keep Out!

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"Uh-oh. . . Paper-cut!"

'It's bad news I'm afraid. He isn't responding to the Mariachi band.'

'You can't see any drug detail men because the waiting room's full?

'This one was too patient.'

'I need to get a second opinion...from my insurance provider.'

"Airport security is really getting tough."

"He was right. . . He really did have a novel in him."

"Sorry about the long wait, but good news. Other than long waits in waiting rooms, I can't find any other causes for your irritability."

"Forty minutes at three hundred and fifty degrees should do it, Miriam, but don't neglect to baste continuously."

Born into the 21st century.

NHS Efficiency Drive

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

Faith-Based Chiropractic Care

Unicorn Proctologists

"You've pulled your hamstring..."

"But I'm not well yet."

MRI Airport Security

So, what did my x-rays reveal, Doctor? Oddly enough, beneath your finished ink drawing, there was a rough sketch in blue pencil.

"O.K.—I've got the tongue."