Medical Humorist Gifts

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'

'Let me guess, you're 'Sneezy'.'

'I'm pretty sure he's been s-q-u-a-s-h-e-d...'

'kidney Pie?'

Way too General Practitioner

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

"Please turn your head and cough."

"You're showing early signs of diabetic retinopathy. Lay off the eye candy."

"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

In the dark days, before doctor-patient confidentiality.

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

Feeding Tubes Removed $50.

"Definitely work-related."

"This is difficult for me to explain, so I brought a prop"

'You've got a better idea? The paddles are Broken. Just turn the key.'

Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist.

"This will buy you four months.

'In this case, a new high score is not a good thing.'

"5 second rule!"

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'First, we're going to run some tests to help pay off the machine,'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

"Don't use any big words for a few weeks."

'Honestly, if there was a virtual prostate exam, don't you think I'd want to be the first to know?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Picked one you like yet?'

Medical School Graduations.

Concern had been expressed over some practitioners of 'laser eye surgery'.

Playing Peek A Boo in the ICU.

'He's started hanging around ever since he found out orthopaedic means bones!'

'There is an experimental treatment using mice that looks very promising. Unfortunately, you're a hamster.'

'Did sombody say, McBypass'