Medical Humorist Pillows

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

'Despite all these changes in modern society, a prolapse is still a prolapse.'

'Let me guess, you're 'Sneezy'.'

'I'm pretty sure he's been s-q-u-a-s-h-e-d...'

Way too General Practitioner

'kidney Pie?'

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

"You're showing early signs of diabetic retinopathy. Lay off the eye candy."

"It's a baby. Federal regulations prohibit our mentioning its race, age, or gender."

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'Take them until further testing shows they really aren't effective.'

Feeding Tubes Removed $50.

"Definitely work-related."

"This will buy you four months.

Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist.

'In this case, a new high score is not a good thing.'

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

"Don't use any big words for a few weeks."

'First, we're going to run some tests to help pay off the machine,'

'Hey! Is this the way to break up kidney stones, or what?'

'Honestly, if there was a virtual prostate exam, don't you think I'd want to be the first to know?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

Concern had been expressed over some practitioners of 'laser eye surgery'.

'Picked one you like yet?'

'He's started hanging around ever since he found out orthopaedic means bones!'

MRSA Superbug fears - 'Good news darling! My operation has been cancelled.'

'Did sombody say, McBypass'

There's nothing really wrong with you but I think a little surgery would make us both feel better.

'There is an experimental treatment using mice that looks very promising. Unfortunately, you're a hamster.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I use catnip, too, but only for medical purposes.'

"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."

The generic version is the same as the brand name, but cheaper. You might find that highly addictive.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'