Medical Professional Humorist Gifts

'I don't know, I woke up one morning and there it was.'

"I'm sorry, Doctor. The operation was a technical success, but your vehicle died anyway."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Cardiac Recovery.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'