Modern Medicine Humorist Gifts

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"