Modern Medicine Humor Gifts

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Time for your pills.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Gross."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'