Modern Medicine Humor Gifts

'Your physician has to have more confidence in e-prescribing. He followed up with a fax, an e-mail, and a phone call.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"Gross."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

Operating Room Humor. Why are anesthesiologists assumed to be honest? Because numb-ers don't lie!

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

World Cup Fever

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'