Humor In Medicine Gifts

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"Now remember, this is an experimental treatment, so have some fun with it."

'Of course a medical diagnosis is as much an art as a science.'

'I always like to have my patients get a second opinion.'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

Ice Cream Surgeon

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Time for your pills.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"Gross."