Medical Professional Humor Gifts

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

Happy Birthday to you.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'