Medical Professional Humor Gifts

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

'I have another doctor, but I like your magazines better.'

'One last chance, minister, to re think your views on health care pay before nurse administers the pre-med'

'I'm going to give you a mood altering drug. Then I'm going to give you my bill.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Happy Birthday to you.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'