Healthcare Professional Humor Gifts

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Virtual Doctor

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I stand corrected."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

Happy Birthday to you.

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"