Healthcare Humor Gifts

'Our trials show that the new drug performs no better than placebo.'

'Are you sure this is a vaccination shot and not a lethal injection?'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'It's alright for you - you're going home today!'

'And out hospital has rooms...lots of rooms, and some beds, and we've got stairs.'

'It's a process with five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then you'll finally come to accept Obamacare.'

'The good news is you'll be a real money-maker for us.'

"I've developed a sporting way to administer the flu shot."

'Good news. I've run every test I could think of and still didn't manage to drain your savings.'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

"Trust me, Doc, it's quicker if I tell you what doesn't hurt."

"Take this on an empty stomach. Which in your case may be impossible."

'I want to change to another doctor, because I've read all of the magazines in your waiting room.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Never make a doctors appointment on Take Your Kids to Work Day.

Clinic for those with one leg - Wipe your foot.

Doctor's compliment

'Let's see what the ol' ticker tape' says.'

Why not not see a doctor on a weekday when you could just as easily not see him at the weekend?

"Rilovonin? I don't like the sound of it - let's reject it."

"I told you to take three teaspoons daily of the medication, not the spoons!"

"It's not the coronavirus. It's just the flue."

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

'It's nothing to worry about - Just a routine procedure, Mrs Dawson. We call it the Mrs Dawson Procedure.'

"I think we need to have another look at how we defrost the vaccine."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"They cured me - then again, I don't have as many preexisting conditions."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"He's our newest partner, we can't afford to be as selective as we used to be."

"Are you in there, Mr Elkins?"

'Your X Rays turned out ok, but not suitable for framing.'

'So for the record...age you admitting that there are circumstances in which you would not demand an MRI scan for a child with a sniffle for purely budgetary reasons!'

"His last words were 'Yodel-ay-he-hoo.'"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."