Health Care Humor Gifts

'You're watching too much financial news. Your blood pressure rises and falls inversely to the stock market.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Covid Deaths

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Time for your pills.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

"I don't leave home without it!"

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

The GPC has written to ministers about how children can be more involved with the NHS

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Snap out of it.'

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'This could be a very expensive operation — I'm going to refer you to the Federal Government.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'The Doctor says you can be discharged - so I've brought you a list of jobs you can do when you get home!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"If Doctor have time, after bringing dead back to life, Doctor fix Egor's hump?"

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'You need some stress.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'