Health Professional Humor Gifts

"Definitely work-related."

Flu season

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Virtual Doctor

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'